I have an image in my head of “mi tia Hortencia“. She stands next to me, tall and powerful. Her beautiful chocolate colored skin, her dark brown eyes and high cheek bones are the envy of women around her. The strong build of her body is only matched by the calloused, unfairness of life. Her voice is loud and harsh and commands fear if not respect even when it´s soft.

Yesterday after almost 30 years i saw her again. Sitting in a wheel chair her brittle and barely abled body revealed the age mirrored by every wall in her house. While I sat remembering the last time I saw her, the clouds that had been following us all morning finally gave way to a bit of rain that interrupted my nostalgic feeling and reminded me of all the bitterness and regret that still lives in that dark and empty house.

It is sad for me to know that my aunt choose hate and bitterness for many years and in her old age is reaping so much regret and loneliness. A generation ago my family was divided into two by this brittle woman and there was much hate and malice in her heart. I felt compassion for her and to a degree that would be uncomfortable to most people who know her, I felt affection for her. My mind raced to a scene in the book of Moses to a conversation between Enoch and God.

And Enoch said unto the Lord: How is it that thou canst weep, seeing thou art holy, and from all eternity to all eternity?

The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency;And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood;…

…Wherefore, I can stretch forth mine hands and hold all the creations which I have made; and mine eye can pierce them also, and among all the workmanship of mine hands there has not been so great wickedness as among thy brethren…

…and the whole heavens shall weep over them, even all the workmanship of mine hands; wherefore should not the heavens weep, seeing these shall suffer?

I am grateful for loving a woman that knows God. Soon her and I will start a new family and we will choose God, our Father and love one another.